Today is just once of those days that you feel the need to be lonely and sad, to deal with your emotions that you always try to push aside just so you can get through the days that has yet to come. Trying to bring normalcy shouldn't be a job, it should come naturally as possible but tell me how? Having put up our baby boy's nursery, buying clothings and other baby stuffs ought to bring happiness and excitement to a soon to be mommy like me. But again I ask myself how? When often times it feels like a waiting game for you.
How could this be happening? My baby doesn't deserve to have DORV, no babies deserve to battle with CHD. It just doesn't seem fair, it's just too much... It pains me so much whenever I talk to my little one inside of me and ask him... beg him... "Please be okay, please be strong... fight for mommy". You do your best to be optimistic, you hold on to your faith but undeniably there would be times that things would get to you.
Other expectant moms are just worrying on having to safely deliver but expectant moms like me worries about more than two things at the same time. I worry about the whole process of giving birth, I worry about my baby boy and I worry about the things that comes next after he is born. I just want my baby to be okay, I just want to be able to take care of him and to see him grow up.. Am I asking for too much?
We go through life taking things for granted, I myself is guilty of that.. I have not been the best daughter, I have not been the best sister to my siblings, I have not been the best aunt to my nieces and nephews, I have not been the best friend I can be to my friends and I may not be the best partner to him but I want to be given a lifetime with my son so I can be the best mom that I can possibly be..
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